Befriending in Facebook - The polite thing to do?
[ I had planned on posting on where I'd like to see PodCamp go - but I had a tooth pulled, and the meds from it are clouding my mind. So have this post about Facebook to kill some time. ]
So not long ago a few friends came into town and needed a place to stay for a night. Let’s, for sake of example, call them Jane and John.
My wife knew Jane from high school. They were good friends back then, and kept in touch, though from a distance, when they parted ways for university. While my wife (or I) didn’t have a facebook profile until earlier this year, shortly after she set her’s up, Jane was added. I’m not sure if Jane found her, or if she found Jane, but that minor detail doesn’t play a large role in where I’m going with this, so just stay with me here. They were friends on facebook, and that’s what counts.
Jane and John are now looking at relocating to Kingston, and wanted to come explore the city first. We offered them our spare bedroom while they learn the city, and have offered it up if they return for some apartment shopping. And this is where Facebook tied itself to real life in a way I didn’t really expect. My wife, who already had Jane in her friends list, added John too… And commented that “It seemed like the polite thing to do”. She hadn’t yet met John (Jane met him after leaving high school) but he was on her friends list.
I feel the situation has a lot to do with the personal trust network philosophy. My wife trusts Jane, Jane’s in a relationship with John, therefore, until she can make her own conclusions, my wife trusts John. I’ll admit too that, while the adds didn’t happen from me until they were here, it was a result of not making the effort, not a result of not willing to add them. I trust my wife, who trusts Jane, who trusts John. We’re at three degrees of separation here, but I was still willing to add him to my list.
So… was it the polite thing to do? Facebook is growing daily and certainly has mass appeal… But how does it now tie into our daily lives? Should I be adding everyone I’ve met and using it in a “life history” sense? Is anyone else using it that way? Facebook seems to have a lot to teach us, not only about others, but, it appears, about ourselves. What has it taught you?
Well, that all depends on how much you think facebook really matters. If you knew they weren’t adding you because you’re not real friends, would you be hurt? I wouldn’t, so it goes the same with me, I don’t think it’s being polite just adding someone because you know him through her through her, make sense?
I’m not sure I really care who is and isn’t my facebook friend unless it’s a current or potential client/employer. Then I reach for the old limited profile button. Otherwise, it doesn’t factor in enough in my world to warrant it’s own set of rules and manners.